I'm sorry

I like this picture of boyfriend. Makes him look so kind and kiddy cute :D



Heyo! I'm back man! I'm so active in my blog nowadays although I'm always quite lazy to blog. LOL.

Ok. Standard life. SLACK SLACK SLACK. Jitao sian. But its alright. I got my boyfriend with me (:

Oh oh. I cried on the mrt on wednesday, when I'm on my way to yew tee to slack. Cause I saw 2 old ladies. Ok. Nothing wrong with that. But it kinda reminds me of my grandmother.

So, I started thinking whether is she fine on top, is she watching over me. I miss her voice, I miss her small little fragile body, her face.

Somehow, I find myself very unfilial. When she's still alive, I always " arh arh arh " to what she says cause I don't understand a thing. This might be alright.

BEST PART. On the day she died, I was supposed to go to a class camp. And then my mom told me that she has passed on.

And what did me, this bitch, asked her?! " Why she die I cannot go to my camp? "

Fuck. I hated myself for that question. I hated myself for that. I wasn't a good granddaughter.

When she's alive and kicking around, I didn't go and visit her every week. I regretted it. When she got a heart attack, I didn't go and take care of her. The best that I did was to hold her and walk around.

Now she's gone, I regretted giving her those cold shoulders. I regretted didn't get to see her for the last time. I regretted everything that I've done. I blamed myself. If I did visit her every week and take her out to walk or something, perhaps things could turn around.

I miss you granny. I miss you. Are you fine on top? I'm really sorry. Really. But its all too late. I didn't know how to treasure you. I didn't know how to love you. Till the day you're gone. I love you granny. I didn't have the chance to tell you this before you go.


Seriously, I'm really just a bloody damn bitch.